


The Great Goosetastrophe

by SatyrSyd37



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Camping, Crack, Ficlet, Flirting, Geese, M/M, One Shot, evil geese in fact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatyrSyd37/pseuds/SatyrSyd37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It should’ve been a quiet afternoon of camping, but it’s Eren – quiet afternoons and him don’t mix. Instead he finds himself racing after an evil demonic goose to retrieve his stolen Frisbee, only to end up invading the campsite of one fine piece of ass wearing a scowl and an orange Hawaiian shirt. So, maybe, geese really aren’t that bad. (Hint: they are).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Goosetastrophe

**Author's Note:**

> My friend was telling me a story about her and her family when they went for a picnic, and that occurrence heavily inspired this little fic. Hope you enjoy!

“COME BACK HERE YOU MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE!”

Eren scrambled through the campsite, crashing through bushes and hurtling through the sparse forest, his eyes set on one site: a bitchy goose’s tail feathers.

“I’M GONNA CATCH YOU - !” he yelled, charging across a wide dirt road. But the goose ran faster, its wings flapping as it darted away from Eren, his bright blue Frisbee still clamped in its bill. _Shit these things are fast!_ he thought.

“AND ONCE I DO – !” he screeched as the devil bird hopped through a scattering of trees. “I’M GOING TO HAVE ROAST GOOSE FOR DINNER!”

All he had wanted to do on this trip was have a nice relaxing weekend with Mikasa and Armin. As university students with jobs, their schedules were always packed, and Eren had just wanted one weekend, ONE WEEKEND, to have fun, to leave the hustle and bustle of the city and relax at a quiet campsite, where they could sleep and swim and roast marshmallows in peace. But now he was sprinting at top speed after some godforsaken bird. After setting up camp (which Mikasa ended up doing most of, as Eren just yelling at the tent poles and Armin was too short to be of much help), Mikasa and Armin and him began a pleasant game of Frisbee. That’s all they’d been doing – the goose had no reason to steal their Frisbee, the little shit.

(Well maybe Armin had accidently thrown it into the river, disturbing a gathering of geese and maybe accidently hitting one. But that was no excuse – it was a fucking oversized chicken, and it had no business messing with Eren Jaegar.)

Eren’s legs were burning as he followed the goose around the perimeter of an empty campsite. He had been running after it for god knows how long, and now he was panting like a dog and sweating like a pig. But there was no fucking way he would let a sad excuse for a swan steal _his_ Frisbee, even if his lungs were screaming. It seemed the goose was loosing stamina too; its wings fluttered down and it slowed down.

 _Got you now._ Eren made one final break for his poor Frisbee and launched himself at the goose.

“HONK!” A giant wing smacked his face and Eren tumbled onto his ass, rolling straight into the middle of the campsite.

“Owww,” he moaned, clutching his jaw. He sat up and surveyed to campsite – it was a sandy circle next to a road, only housing a large RV backed up against the shrubbery and two cars next to it, and a table in the middle next to a fire pit. And – aha! – there was the goose, on the other side of the campsite, maybe ten feet away, fluttering its wing and keeping a steady, evil eye on Eren.

The Frisbee lie right in between them.

“GAAHHHHH!” Eren sprang across the dirt floor as the goose darted for the blue piece of plastic. _Not this time bitch!!_ He snatched it up the Frisbee and held it high out of the goose’s reach.

“Ha!” he shouted in victory. “Take that you feathery shitface!” He ran at the goose, and the bird backed off, its neck crouched in defeat and caution, and waddled away, as if to say, “You may have won this time Jaegar, but next time, you’re bread crumbs!”

Smiling with satisfaction, Eren headed back his campsite, expecting high praise from Mikasa and Armin congratulating him for his victory against goose-kind.

“What the fuck was that?”

“HOLY SHIT!” Eren whipped around, almost dropping his Frisbee.

Apparently the campsite wasn’t so empty. A man sat in a reclining chair in the shade provided by the RV, wearing a bright orange Hawaiian shirt and big sunglasses. “And what the fuck are you doing on my campsite, brat?”

The man got up out of his chair and walked toward Eren. It was more of a saunter really. He took of his glasses and flipped his hair, and –

 _\- holy shit look as this fine piece of ass._ The man had dark hair, long in front with an undercut, and flawless pale skin. His unbuttoned shirt flew open, showcasing his sculpted abs and knife-sharp collarbones. His eyes were dark and he had the deepest scowl Eren had ever seen on a person, but that didn’t mask how incredibly hot this guy was.

But as he approached Eren, arms folded in disapproval, he noticed something else.

The guy was ridiculously short.

 _He’s gotta be, like, five feet tall,_ Eren thought, choking back giggles.

“Something wrong?” the man asked, impatiently tapping his foot. 

“N-no, nothing,” Eren said. Hot Guy raised an eyebrow, and pointedly looked at the Frisbee in Eren’s hand. “Oh! Sorry about that. Some crazy ass goose stole my friend’s Frisbee, and I was getting it back.”

Hot Guy didn’t say anything. He could hear honking from geese near by in the gap of silence.

“Er…I’m Eren. Nice to meet you?” He held out his hand, but withdrew it under Hot Guy’s disapproving scowl. 

“Levi,” he grumbled. The first thought that popped into Eren’s head were the jeans, Levi’s. Levi didn’t look like the kind of person who wore Levi’s, though. But then, everyone wears Levi’s, right? But Eren imagined Levi more like the type who would model Levi’s and then use the paycheck to buy high-end designer jeans. _I bet his ass would look great in a pair of skinny jeans -_

“Ahem,” Levi cleared his throat, causing Eren to snap out of his daze. “Are you planning on sticking around here all day?”

Eren noted how deep and unwittingly sexy his voice was, and gulped. “I – " He was about to reply when he noticed the honking was getting louder. He looked behind Levi – three geese were approaching them. He glanced around; on the left, and the right, and even behind Eren, geese shuffled out of the bushes, surrounding the campsite.

The Frisbee in his hand suddenly felt heavier. “Um, are you seeing…?”

“Yes. I can’t believe you fucking lured them here,” Levi muttered. He tugged on Eren’s sleeve, pulling him towards the table. The geese started closing in, slowly.

“Give them the Frisbee,” Levi demanded. 

“No fucking _way_ am I giving it up now! Not after the shit I just went through to get it back!”

Levi glared at him, but Eren held his ground. That goose was _not_ going to have any satisfaction. He retrieved the Frisbee fair and square(ish).

"HONK!" Eren jumped at the sudden burst of sound. The other geese joined in a terrifying goose-chant.

"Honk honk honk HONK!"

“Holy shit holy shit they’re terrifying…!” Eren moved closer to Levi, and backing further against the table.

“They’re just geese, calm down,” Levi reassured. Suddenly one goose stormed forward with its wings spread out and teeth barred.

“Shit – " Levi yanked Eren’s sleeve and pulled them up onto the table, missing the goose’s snapping bill by an inch. Now all the geese gathered around the table and were honking and flapping their wings and stamping their webbed feet. Eren gripped Levi’s arm – _holy shit he’s so muscular_ – trying to back away from the edge. He could clearly make out the little teeth inside the geese’s bills, their aggressive honking making it clear they were not fucking around.

Over the screeches of the geese, Levi yelled at him, “On the count of three – we make a run for my car.” He pointed to a black Mercedes parked twenty feet away.

“What?!” Eren yelled. “We can’t just run through these things! Did you see their teeth!?”

“Do you really just want to stand here and wait for them to get us?” Eren looked around. The geese had murder in their eyes, and some were getting the idea to actually use their wings to fly up onto the table.

“Okay,” he said reluctantly.

“One – “

HONK!

“Twothree!"

They leaped off the edge of the table, sailing right over the geese and hauling ass the moment they touched the ground.

_“HONK honk honk honk HONK!”_

Hearing the pattering of geese feet behind him, Eren sped up. Levi whipped out his keys and unlocked his car as they made their mad dash.

“AHHHH!” Eren screeched as they made a final burst of speed and both flew into the front seats.

They shut the doors right as the geese caught up. “GO!” Eren yelled. The geese flocked around the car, tapping on the doors and flying on top of the hood.

“I’m trying but I can’t hit one of these things!” Levi slowly pulled the car out of the campsite’s parking space and navigated to the road, carefully avoiding running over any goose feathers.

“Why the fuck not?!”

“I’ll get arrested if I kill one of them, dumbass! This is a national park, you can’t harm the wildlife!”

“Oh.”

They made it to the road. Most of the geese seemed to have backed off, retreating to the wilderness. _  
_

“Now we can go.” Levi stepped on the gas and whipped onto the road, speeding down the road at a completely unreasonable pace.

“Thank God,” Eren sighed, sinking into the seat.

“Thank _me_ , shitty brat. It wasn’t God that got us out of that mess,” Levi said.

Eren laughed. He looked over at Levi, who actually looked surprised that Eren had laughed at him, and Eren laughed again. Suddenly he was overtaken by giggles, thinking through the events of the past few minutes.

“I can’t – haha – I can’t believe we were…were attacked by – hahaHA – fucking GEESE!” He cackled. “Geese! We…hehe – we ran away from fucking bird, man! I can’t believe they fucking ganged up on us! Oh god, is _this_ gonna make for a story!”

Even though Levi didn’t laugh with him, Eren noticed Levi had a smile on his face.

Now that the great goose catastrophe - goosetastrophe? - was over with, Eren went back to admiring Levi. Now that his frisbee was won and he was no longer under the threat of goose teeth, he could set a new goal - a new goal that involved bed and a certain man in an orange Hawaiian shirt. Levi looked good with a smile. Like, really good. And even if he was a bit cocky about it, he was right – he did save Eren from those feathery devils. And Eren couldn’t help but feel like a damsel-in-distress with Levi as his knight in shinning armor.

They had driven a few more miles in silence when Eren felt a buzz in his pocket.

**2 New Messages**

**From Mikasa:** _WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO EREN I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?_

 **From Armin:** _Please call. You know how Mikasa gets. You can’t just run off like that._

Eren sighed and texted her back.

 **To Mikasa:** _sorry but i had to get our Frisbee back! and i did cuz i'm awesome! i’m heading back now, so dont worry._

Thinking about his new goal, he sent one more text.

 **To Mikasa:** _just give me a little while. i met this hot piece of ass and i need to seduce him XD_

“I should take you back to your campsite,” Levi said. “At least, you are here to camp, right? Not to feed Frisbees to geese or something dumb like that?”

“Ha ha,“ Eren sarcastically replied. “Yeah, I’m camping this weekend with a couple of my friends. They attend university with me, in the next city over. We wanted to get away from our busy city lives, you know?”

“I don’t remember asking you that, but thanks for telling me, brat.”

Eren huffed. “You’re kinda mean, you know.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“But you did save me from those geese.”

“So?”

“You can’t be all that bad. Actually, you must be a pretty good guy.”

Eren laughed when Levi scoffed at his sort-of compliment. “My colleagues would probably disagree with you.”

“Your colleagues?”

“Yeah, the people I had the misfortune of coming here with.”

“Are you guys friends?”

“They seem to think we are.”

Eren smiled. Somehow, he knew Levi didn’t mean it. He acted like an ass, but Eren bet he was a softie underneath it all.

_Buzz. Bzz. Bzz._

Eren answered the call on his phone.

“EREN WHERE WERE YOU WHY AREN’T YOU BACK YET – "

Eren almost dropped his phone at the sudden loud yelling. “Holy shit Mikasa, calm down!”

“AND YOU ARE COMING BACK RIGHT NOW I DON’T CARE IF THIS GUY IS A HOT PIECE OF ASS – "

“Mikasa stop yelling!”

“ – I DON’T CARE IF HE’S FUCKING CHANNING TATUM GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE EREN.”

“I will! Sheesh, I got it.”

The other end of the line went silent.

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have run off like that,” he said. He honestly did feel bad; he knew the only reason Mikasa went off like that was because he cared about him, and he knew how his…spirit would get the best of him and make her worry.

“Just…don’t do it again.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

“I’d better.” She hung up.

Eren turned off his phone and put it back in his pocket with a deep sigh. Levi was smirking. “Who was that?”

“My sister,” Eren said with a pout. “She’s very overprotective.”

Levi snorted. “And I thought my squad was bad…”

Eren suddenly wondered how much of the conversation he had heard. After all, Mikasa hadn’t exactly been talking quietly.

While he contemplated how good Levi’s range of hearing might be, Levi asked, “What campsite?”

Eren suddenly had a brilliant idea of a way to elongate their time together. “Um…I forgot.” 

“You…forgot.”

“Uh-huh.” Now Levi could just drive him around until they found the right campsite. That would give him more than enough time to properly flirt with Levi. 

“…then why didn’t you ask your sister just now?”

 _Shit._ “Um…I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“Sure."

“I wasn’t!”

“Whatever. Just text her now. I have my own shit to get back to.”

 _So much for that plan. Levi probably saw right through you ruse,_ he thought. _And with that lack of enthusiasm, _he's_ obviously not interested._ Reluctantly, Eren glanced at his phone, and, not wanting to tell Mikasa or Armin he had fake forgotten their campsite number, exclaimed, “Oh wait! I remember it now!”

Levi rolled his eyes, and Eren was sure he would have glared at him if he hadn’t been driving. “And?”

“Oh…right. It’s 104.”

Much too soon, they turned the corned into Eren’s campsite.

He got of the car and walked over to the driver’s side, turning the blue Frisbee around in his hands. He hadn’t expected their exchange to be over so fast. _It doesn’t matter,_ he thought. E _ven if he doesn't seem like he's interested, you can't know until you ask directly. Now’s your last chance! Even if he turns you down, you’ll probably never see him again anyway!_

Thinking he had nothing to loose, Eren faced Levi to thank him for the ride (and ask for his number).

But before he say a word, Levi pushed him up against the car.

"Whoa!" Eren tensed as Levi leaned in, placing both his hands on either side of Eren, trapping him between the car and Levi himself. “So…I’m a hot piece of ass?” he asked, his voice deeper than ever.

Eren turned red as Levi leaned further in. _Shit, he did hear!_ “Uh…I – ”

Levi grinned. Eren’s jaw went slack. “Well lucky for you, you’re a hot piece of ass too. You’re kind of an annoying brat, but in a cute way,” he said, pressing his thigh against Eren’s.

Eren was speechless. Eren would never have guessed someone as stoic as Levi would be so forward. He was delighted, of course, as he realized he wouldn't have to be the one to initiate this. But Levi’s dark brown eyes starred deep into his bright green ones, paralyzing him on the spot.

“Unless, of course, I heard wrong.” Levi abruptly pushed off of Eren, folding his arms and turning away. “Normally my hearing his superb, but it’s definitely more difficult to hear through a crackling phone…”

“I – wait!” Eren turned Levi around, but didn’t know what to say. “You…I – um, you hear right. I mean, heard right!”

Levi smirked, and Eren felt his heart flutter. _  
_

Suddenly Levi pulled him down and planted a quick kiss on Eren’s lips. Before Eren could even reciprocate Levi pulled away, pushed Eren off him and got back into the car.

“Wha – wait!” he called, but Levi shut the door.

Through the rolled down window, he called, “I wasn’t kidding when I said I had to get back right now. Someone's got to watch out for my idiot colleagues. But I’m here for the whole weekend, brat. Campsite number 666 if you’re interested.”

Eren was frozen, he couldn’t even bring himself to wave as Levi winked at him and drove away.

Eren touched his lips, and thought with a devious grin that this trip was going to be a lot more fun than he had anticipated.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, my friend and her family were attacked by geese and had to stand on a table. I think I exaggerated a bit here, but oh well. 
> 
> All comments and kudos are greatly appreciated - I reply to every comment! Or you're welcome to hit me up on [my tumblr!](http://satyrsyd37.tumblr.com/)
> 
> *If you didn't guess, Levi's colleagues are Squad Levi
> 
> *Geese (or at least these geese, Canadian geese) do not in fact have teeth, but teeth-like indentations on the ridge of their beaks.


End file.
